The Uncertainties of Everything

The Uncertainties of Everything

July 22^nd  2015 would have been the first time I would have slept alone. Or 23^rd morning would have been the first time I would have woken up alone. The first time I would have woken up and not seen a familiar face. It’s strange. One day, you’re with your family, and the next day, poof, it’s just you, your belongings and the 4 walls that you now call “Home”. For future, they say. For gaining something you should leave something, they say. They all say.

Each one of them.

Being about 600 km’s away from my home, where I’ve been born and brought up, schooled, fed, made friends for lifetime, was a feeling I was looking forward to, believe it or not. It’s not that it happened all of a sudden. No. It was expected. It was coming. The baby bird had to leave the mamas nest.

Pursuing Masters was something I wanted to do. So here I’m sitting in one of the best institutes, thinking about how things change in an instant, even when you’re expecting them to change. About how you realize the small things which you never really thought would matter. About Uncertainties of life. About Uncertainties of everything.

It’s such a surreal feeling, one moment when you want to leave your place, your home to be a free bird. You want to make it out of your comfort zone. You want to be someone on your own. And the very moment you step out, you don’t realize the storm coming towards you. The comfort zone was just the calmness before the storm. It so easily pursued you to do something in order to lure you out.

The uncertainty of life lies in the small-small things. You’re never really sure of anything. Just like a baby bird who has been thrown from the nest. You know how to fly, or at-least you think you know because you’ve seen your family do it. But if only it was so easy, no?

You realize with time that from now on, for every single thought you have, you have to take up the responsibility for it. Good or bad, you have to own it. You have to. The safety net called parents/siblings are still there. Just away. Far-far away. And you can’t fall down that far. Because you don’t want to take that safety net. It’ll always be there, but you don’t want to.

And that’s why, every single decision you take, every single thought that comes, every single thing that you do has a mark of responsibility stamped over it. It has the repercussion written all over it.  You just have to be smart enough to read and understand them. You have to be ready to face the music, my English teacher used to say. You lose your concentration for a bit and boom, you’ll be hit and you won’t even know.

We all need someone. Someone to talk to. Someone just to reassure that everything will be all right. Everything that you’re doing right now is worth it. Every bit of sleep you lose. Every bite of bad tasting food that goes into your stomach. All those moments of insecurities that you go through. All those fears you face. All the weight of the expectations on your shoulders. We all need someone to tell us that everything that you are going through right now is worth it. Worth the result you’ll get. Worth the final outcome.

The one which nobody has seen.

Freedom comes at a price. And it’s different for everyone. For some, it might be living away from family. For some, it might be leaving the things you need in order to get the things you want. And for some, even with all that freedom, you feel chained. You feel that fear in your heart, which grows stronger every day. Every moment.

But for almost all, freedom comes with the uncertainties of life which we never accounted for. From being carefree to being careful. From being sure about everything, to being unsure about almost everything. From being a loosely chained bird in no cage to being a free bird in a big cage. The big cage called life. And we so desperately want to be a free bird in this cage. And get the so called freedom.

And that’s when you Mature. When you can endure uncertainties. It’s how you embrace those uncertainties for your transformation, that’s when you grow.  Uncertainties are life’s way of telling us that there is only so little that we can control. Or maybe a way of testing us, to see what all we can control.

You’re never really sure, are you?